No matter how old you are, no parent wants to see their kids undergoing hardship. While the day they moved out was bittersweet, you were also excited to see what they could make of themselves in their career and their personal life, but even the most successful person can still fall on hard times.
Whether It’s unemployment, divorce, or general mental health struggles, your adult kids will look to you to offer support and assistance. But, providing this support is not always easy, especially when you consider how the relationship dynamic has shifted since they moved out. They are not children anymore, but that doesn’t mean can’t still help them. The question, however, is how you’re able to do that.
Recognize Who They Are Now
Whoever your child was when they left home, they are not the same person anymore. They have responsibilities, whether this is a job, kids, partner, or all three. You must recognize this to avoid going too far back into the parenting mode you are used to.
Your child has likely changed a lot throughout the years. Hopefully, they have changed for the best. By recognizing who they are now and understanding their unique needs and wants, you can provide better support for them whenever they encounter hardship.
Don’t Infantilize Them
Recognizing who they are now should also help you avoid infantilizing your kids. It’s tempting to baby them and try to do everything for them, or to believe that you know what’s best for them. If you can work out why you act like this, you can take steps to avoid infantilizing them since being like this can affect your relationship.
Although you want to do everything you can to ensure your child feels better during their hardship, you also need to give them enough autonomy to ensure you can overcome the problems themselves. If you decide to do everything they need or enable behavior that could affect their progress, you risk them relying on you for too much. This is not beneficial for them if they want to get better and overcome their issues.
Ask If They Need Help
One of the easiest ways to ensure your adult children do not fall back into their teenage mindset is to ask if they need help. You may not want to just do things for the sake of it. Instead, you can gently get an idea of where their head is and ask them what they need you to do for them.
At first, they might say that they don’t need you to do anything. They may resist help because they don’t want to feel like a burden. You can start by asking about small and simple things, such as picking up groceries or making them dinner, especially if they are mentally and emotionally drained. This is a good place to begin, and it will make them feel more comfortable with \asking for help.
Put Your Connections to Good Use
You have a significant advantage that other people may not possess. As you have lived your life and interacted with a myriad of people, you could have connections that allow you to support your child during their issues.
These connections can include ca\lling in favors from friends or putting your child in contact with people who may be able to help. If they have recently had a child who experienced problems during birth, knowing a birth injury lawyer who can help them will do wonders for them, especially since they might not feel up to going through a seemingly endless list of possibilities.
Be a Grandparent
If your child has kids of their own, you can help them by being a grandparent to your grandkids. There are many problems your child might encounter during their hardship, including the need to work extra hours or having to attend appointments with lawyers.
If you can give them a solution for entertaining your grandkids, you can reduce some of their existing responsibilities. This also means they will have more time to get essential things done and ensure they are not too exhausted to fix the problems in their life.
Remember Things Are Different Now
You may have had similar experiences when you were younger, and your parents could have helped you during this time. It seems only fair that you pass on this support to your kids, and you would expect them to do the same when their children are older.
However, remember that things are different now. Solutions that worked for you may not work in the modern world. So, as much as you think you are offering useful advice, it may not be relevant to today’s situations.
Keep Your Door Open
There is some negativity surrounding boomerang kids who come back to live with their parents despite moving out previously. Keeping your door open is the very least you can do, especially if your adult child has gone through a messy break-up or fallen on severe financial issues.
Returning to your home does not need to be permanent, but it can give them a comfortable and familiar base where they can start to think about the rest of their lives and make changes to ensure they get over their problems safely.
Don’t Overstep
Overstepping is a problem that a lot of people – not just parents – encounter when trying to help. Sometimes, people don’t want you to solve their problems, at least not immediately. Instead, they need you to be there, lend an ear, and listen to them as they explain what has happened.
It’s important for you to only do what they ask you. There’s no problem with making small suggestions or asking them if they need you to do something. Just don’t go ahead and do it without consulting them.
There For Them
Being there for your kids should be a natural response to any hardship. Still, as they have gotten older, it can make you feel like they don’t need you anymore, which can affect how you approach them if and when they need support. It’s always worth remembering how important your support is for your kids, and being there for them through any speed bumps they encounter in life will make them eternally grateful.
